Two Jews walk into a bar, and they were both served properly

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what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

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Two scientists walk into a bar, the pair walk up to the counter and the first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have some H2O too." 10 minutes later, the second scientist dies.

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A hero is nice to everyone, but one person. who is that? Your mom. WOOOOOOOT!! YOU JUST GOT MUSCLEMANED!!!!

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Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

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You's so ugly you should consider facial reconstruction surgery if it's covered by your insurance.

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A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

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why am i so pretty? because god blessed me with good looks

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Agricultural production fell significantly.

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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How did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it died. how did the second monkey fall out of the tree? because it was stapled to the other monkey.

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.ellipsis { text-overflow: ellipsis; /* Required for text-overflow to do anything */ white-space: nowrap; overflow: hidden; }

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BOOBALANBOO

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Why did the orphans kill timmy? timmy said a your mom joke.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because it lacked the requisite musculature to facilitate locomotion

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U ALL LIAK DIK

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roses are green, violets are yellow, I am a hybridizer.

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A black man sits down to have a legal conversation with his state appointed attorney for the first time being arrested. They lawyer advises him to tell him the truth of exactly what happened. He proceeds to do so and is provided with excellent legal advice.

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If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

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The President walks into a local pub. Everyone shits their fricken pants because the President is here.

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why did the midget beat the basketball player in a foot race? the basketball player got bit by a scorpion and died within minutes.

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What is worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees? One baby stapled to 50 trees. What is worse than one baby stapled to 50 trees? One tree stapled to 50 babies.

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Knock Knock Whos there? Its dad mom died....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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