I got a boner from the waitress touching my shoulder, please dislike this

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I scream. You scream. We all scream and huddle in a corner of our first grade classroom because of a masked gunman.

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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? You die.

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What was so incredible about this bigger new oven i just bought? It could fit twice as many Jews in it. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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Why was the baby's face red? Because it was bloody.

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How do you keep an elephant from charging? Ask nicely.

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Why did the little girl selling lemon aid die? Someone drove by and threw a fridge at her

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Q: What was Steve Jobs' last words before he died? A: I Think i might die.

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Why did hundreds ofnpeople die in a plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad.

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Q: How did the girl in high school become so popular? A: She got pregnant

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stephen hawking walks into a bar, and those who recognize him are shocked that he's no longer in his wheelchair, and approach him to let him know this, but it turns out they were wrong, it was just a man with similar facial features to stephen hawking.

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why were the negros at whitney houstons funeral smiling? because there were free sandwiches!

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Who are you if you can rub 2 ice cubes to make fire? Chuck Norris

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What do you call a cow with no legs A cow with no legs.

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Yo mama's so fat, she died of a mixture of obesity and type 1 diabetes.

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Why did the Nazi doctor drown a Jew in the lake? Because he felt like it.

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Q: What do you call a plane with no wings? A: An unfinished plane.

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What did the cashier say to the blonde? That will be $5.39, would you like a receipt?

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How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road.

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Illumati Confirmed

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

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What do babies and caterpillars have in common? They're both dead. Except the caterpillar.

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How do you make a tissue dance? You really can't, but you could grab it and shake it around so it looks like its dancing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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