What do you call a guy with out any arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob

thumb_up thumb_down -22

The saying "When Pigs Fly" Can easily be canceled. Just tie a rocket and wings to it and let it go.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

ill take a bullet for you... on call of duty... nahhh that ruins my kd

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a Rhino and a Lion having sex? Pointless, since they can't reproduce

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What do you call a shop dedicated to selling watermelon, fried chicken and corn bread? A poor business model.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

A frog goes to a lake. he meets a photographer , the frog ask him ( can you take a picture of me? he says: sure ...say cheese.... then the frog said :....yogurt

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, hes allergic to it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How do you make a Flamingo cry? Hit it with a sledgehammer.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why doesn't the chicken cross the road Because his dad got ran over by a car when he crossed the road

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Roses are Red Violets are Red Grass is Red Trees are Red My yard is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worse than The Holocaust? CREED...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Do you believe this will change?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A black man, a Jew, and a homosexual are at a bar together. They drink for a few hours, during which time they catch up with each other and share stories, as it has been some time since the three of them have seen each other. After they are done drinking, they call a friend, who comes to pick them up and take them home. What a fine example of drinking responsibly.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did Billy want cancer? So he could be like his parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A woman is getting in the shower but the the doorbell rings so she puts on her towel and gets the door a man is there asking for sugar. Then she gets back into the shower then the doorbell rang again so she puts on her towel and anwsers the door another man is there he asked for some batteries she gave him some and went back to the shower. Then she hears the doorbell again she thought since there wasn't anybody else that lived on her street she decided to just go to the door without her towel so she answers the door thinking the blindmans there and it was the police man.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the one alcoholic say to the other? We are both alcoholics

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: Why is Santa's sack so big? A: Because he only cums once a year

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas? A long sleeve shirt

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock Knock Who's there? its the police mam your son has been killed by a hit and run driver, the driver was an alcohol

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks outside and walks back in. Why? Because it was raining purple unicorns and he felt the need to go back inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Have you ever seen Helen Keller's house? No. Well it's really nice.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops