- Anti Joke

Why can't Ray Charles drive? Because he's blind? No, because he's dead

You are the third derivative of the position function.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, but I'm late for work.

my aunt Always used to say"go with the flow" she died in a kayak accident last Sunday

Q: Why was the blonde so dumb? A: Because she wasn't properly educated.

whats worse then getting sat on by a hippo getting sat on by Matt Ross

What's worse than finding ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees

Why was Why added to why? Because WHy not.

What's big, black and long? The line in KFC

Why did Susie fall off the song? She had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Susie

Q:What happens to an elephant if he falls from a building with 10 floors? A:He dies

What smells like peanut butter but looks like a penis? A penis, I lied about the peanut butter.

Roses are red Violets are blue I have clamidia Because Polly shat on me.

A hiker gets lost on a trail and ends up wondering deep into the woods. He comes upon an amish farm. He knocks on the door and an amish man answers. The hiker explains his predicament, and the amish man says "sure you can stay in barn, but promise me one thing, don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course I won't". He then goes to the barn. Right before the hiker falls asleep. The amish farmer comes in and says "make sure you don't have sex with my daughter". The hiker says "of course not". So the next morning the hiker is rested, well fed and is about to leave when the amish man approaches and says, "Thank you being decent and christian like."

What Does the Duck Say? "Got any grapes?"

Why do mexicans jump the gate Because theres a sale at chipotle

What do you call a woman with one leg? An amputee

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

STOP LOOKING AT MY JOKE

What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

Kate

A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

What is black blue and screaming? Your daughter when i kicked the shit out of her

a women picks up her phone and screams! There were 3 missed calls from her mother-inlaw

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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