A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What is black and hangs from the tree in my back yard? a moldy apple.

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what did the jew get for christmas? nothing Jewish people don't celebrate christmas

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What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

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Four gay men go to a bar and enjoy a drink celebrating their long lived platonic relationship.

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? -getting raped by 10 very hung men who go balls deep

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had AIDS

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What do you call somebody from Manchester? A twat

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How do you kill a blonde? A gun, knife, there are a number of ways really...

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Wanna hear a joke? Sure. Too bad I don't have one.

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What did one fetus say to they other fetus? Nothing they were aborted.

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Knock Knock whose there? child abuse...

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Why cant Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles read? Because they are blind you racist.

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If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Regression.

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Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

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What did the boy say after smoking weed for the first time? -"I don't really feel anything" and his friends explained that is sometimes the case for a first time smoker.

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A spanish man, a french man and an italian man sat at a pub. And they realise no one can speak english properly.

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What is 6 plus 9? 15.

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "You already had me chained to the bed. You didn't have to break both of my legs, Kathy Bates."

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Why did Ian pass his CRB check? Because he committed his crimes on holiday

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what did the black kid get for christmas? I dont know....whatever he wrote on his wishlist.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, killed 6's family and made him watch...

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How do you confuse a bus driver? Go invisible and throw bananas at him

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This ones for the dudes: Whats worse then having sex with a woman with no penis? Having se with a man

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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