See you ******* dogface! All right? You're a compulsive *********** sit on that swivel! Stop swearing!

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Why did the black man die of leukemia? Overexposure to radioactive materials due to his career as a nuclear engineer.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead

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Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H20." The second one says "why did you come to the bar if you're just going to have water?" and orders a beer.

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whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? A guitar is an instrument used to produce noise and a fish is a living orgnism native to lakes and oceans

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How many Alzheimer patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side!

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Your mother is so fat; I love fat fat people.

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How do you stop a bus? Throw a little child in front of it. If the driver is a loaf of bread, this phrase isn't rather important.

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a mother: my little boy always asks me to take him to see dinosaurs...but they are extinct. me: take him to a museum you dumb bitch!

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A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance cocvered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being deined coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be covered." The man snaps his fingers and says "Damn! I should've voted Democrat!"

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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A blind man walks into a bar....and a chair....and a table....and a wall....and a person... etc.

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How do Elmer Fudd take a shower? Without a shampoo, he's bald..

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Humpty the extreme sized grenade fell off the wall. The universe is now in little pathetic bits.

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Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

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seek beauty

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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What did the little girl who lost her baby teeth want for Christmas? A pony.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Nobody know he couldn't open it.

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What's better than winning the Special Olympics? ...Not being retarted.

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How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

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Why are anti jokes funny? You can trick an old person to think they are

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Why did Susy fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susy.

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A man walked into a doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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