Q: What's black, blue, and dead? A: My wife after our fight last night.

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Roses are red Grass is green Get in the van If you know what I mean

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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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Why is Jesus not real? Because Chuck Norris is still alive.

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What is brown and sticky? A lot of things are brown and sticky

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A squirrel is about to steal the eggs of a sparrow when the sparrow suddenly says, "Stop! I will do anything if you would spare my eggs!" The squirrel has no capacity to reason and so steals the eggs anyway. The sparrow is devastated.

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What did the two eggs in the frying pan say to each other? Nothing, their eggs.

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No, luke. I am your father. damnit

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Why did the kid get a bicycle for his birthday? Cause his father is a respectable parent who loves his child.

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What did the one midget say to the other midget? We r both small

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yo mamas so fat, she started working out

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing.

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A cruise ship took sail. It was about a mile out into the water already. The blonde had missed the ship when it set sail. She was only capable of swimming a mile. She swam a half a mile out after the ship, and then turned around. She then later died due to a severe case of hypothermia due to the temperatures of the water for long periods of time.

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What did the ant say when he walked in the club. . . Nothing he was immediately stepped on.

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Yo mama is so stupid, she believes in god. God isn't real.

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Why are black people so good at basketball? Dedication and hard work

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Why did the young boy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a bus.

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How do you confuse a blonde? take the albuterol

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A man walks into a bar. Except it was a metal bar, like a pole. So he got hurt.

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Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

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Try this on someone... go up and say "Ive got a great knock knock joke for you but you have to start" there response "Ok, knock knock" you say "Who's there?" They are usually dumbfounded and a hilarious awkward silence ensues

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A Hispanic was walking down the street, he turned left and was at his house.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? Whatever his name happens to be.

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And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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