So a Jewish Family walks into a German Pizzeria. They were very satisfied with the service and ended up tipping the waiter 20%

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a mexican and a black guy are sitting in a car, who's driving? the police

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Why was Yabba annoyed? Because the idiots who do the audio description voiceover for Timmy Time on BBC iPlayer frequently refer to her as a male even though she is clearly a female duck.

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Are you from Jamaica? 'Cause you're making me crazy! Are you from Haiti? I'm really sorry about all the disaster that's been happening there.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair... Fuzzy Wuzzy has cancer

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was persecuted for his faith.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm not good at poems, nice tits.

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What did bob order at pizza hut? Pizza

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Mexicans don't use lightbulbs because they can't afford them.

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What happened when the car hit the man? He died.

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What is white and hard to catch? A refrigerator

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

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Why couldn't the towel talk? Because it didn't have a language.

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My uncle Magnus and my Aunty Agnus had a baby and named it.............Death.

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What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

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Roses are red, But ravens are black, Please go to China, and never come back!

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Man: Knock knock Man 2: who's there Alzheimer's patient: to get to the other side!

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What's dumber than a black guy that can't read? Two black guys that can't run with TVs.

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Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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The other day I went into the bathroom to take a poo, It was Glorious I flushed the toilet and everything.

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When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much... and after being married for 39 years... They get divorced

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What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. He had multiple MRI's and bodily fluid tests to confirm the diagnosis. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

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How do you get a blonde to stop talking? Hit her in the head with a brick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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