Bob has 80 chocolate bars, he gives 5 to his uncle,10 to his mother and 8 to his freind. He then eats 40 chocolate bars. Q. How many chocolate bars has bob got left now? A. Bob has no chocolate bars left. Shortly after Bob ate 40 bars he was diagnosed with diabetes. He then died of a heart attack due to high cholesterol.

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Why'd humpty dumpy fall of the wall? Someone threw a fridge at him

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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What's moist wet and I put my finger in it? My nose.

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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A Jew returns change.

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hi my name is 50 cent my mom swallowd 2 quarters befor i was born dsthgiudghyudgfuawyg

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why did the man drop his ice-cream cone? He had no fingers, he lost them in Vietnam while he was protecting our country

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Q:Where does a woman work at if she has 1 leg? A: IHOP!!! :)

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A horse walks into a bar... The bartender is amazed at the fact that an animal that possesses neither the mental nor the physical abilities to open doors, still managed to enter the bar without breaking anything.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? HE WAS DEAD STUPID IDIOT.

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What is black and white and red all over the news paper of someone with tuberculosis

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Patient- Doctor, I am feel intense feeling for 15 year old pop singers!!! Doctor- Oh, sound like youve got Beiber Fever. Patient- Whew. I thought it was something serious Doctor- Its terminal, you have about 5 more days to live.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Your neighbor My neighbor who? I already told you, it's pronounced "Wu". I'm very sorry, Mr. Wu

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KONY 2012! *world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa* Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead.

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Q: If your riding down the Nile on a boat and your boat springs a leak, how many boxes of pancake mix does it take to fix the hole? A: 58, because Koalas are marsupials

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was in a cage being carried by a farmer.

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what does nike and the kkk have in common? Nothing as one is a brand of clothing ie;shoes, hoodies, etc. while the other is a racist cult formed in the 19th century which persecuted african americans.

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Q. How many babies does it take to paint a room? A. Depends on how hard you throw them.

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What do you say to a man, who calls you 3 AM? - "Hello!"

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I was playing Black Ops online, my wife turned it off in the middle of the game....I killed her

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Once upon a time there was a very lonely man. He was kind, strong, handsome, smart, and basically everything that was good and that a girl wanted. Well, one day, through all his immense loneliness, he decided that it was time that he got into a relationship. Knowing that he deserved a competent and pure woman, he went to a local church to search for his perfect match. That night, he took home with him the most beautiful and purest of all the women in the church, brought her to his room, and whipped out his junk on her face.

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Knock Knock.. Who's there? The IRS, you owe $50,000 in back taxes and we're repossessing your home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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