A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, did you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate replies, "Arrrgh, there's been a horrible nautical accident. Please call an ambulance immediately."

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Roses are blurry so is everything else I need glasses

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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How do you get an elephant in pajamas? Elephants are large mammals with several layers of body fat, and pajamas are for humans. there is no purpose in attempting this feat at all.

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knock knock knocking on heavens douoor

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why didn't the unicorn have a horn? It was a horse. Why didn't the horse have a horn? it was not a unicorn.

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Two Japanese men walked out of a bar. They drowned.

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People Eating Tasty Animals

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Whats black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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If you replace all the letters in your name with G A Y it spells Gay... your gay

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What's the difference between Jews, Muslims & Christians? Religious beliefs.

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what's red and green and goes 100 mph? a red and green car going over the speed limit.

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What do you call a black man walking towards you with a gun? A defibrillator.

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Boy: Mum... I got a hundred marks! Mother: That's good my son! Which subject was it? Boy: 30 for maths, 40 for english, and 30 for science.

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how do you fit 100 jews in a car? 2 in the front seat, 3 in the back seat, and 95 in the ash tray.

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What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

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My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff card at the bottom of a pool.

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What did one penguin say to the other Nothing, penguins don't talk.

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What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

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Q.How do you scare an emo?? A.Run after them with plasters

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Why did the rabbit cross the road? ..It was stapled to the chicken.

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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why can't johnny compete in the track race? because he has no feet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops