If you don't see any banners here, it doesn't mean they aren't here.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what did the thief say to the man that lost his car? i stole your car.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did phil ruin the patio furniture? because he wasnt familiar with the grammar technique used

thumb_up thumb_down -46

So a baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Cheese stick

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do a fish and a car have in common? They are both edible.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

An airplane's engine suddenly blows up in the middle of its flight. The pilot turns around and sees a blonde and a brunette. He turns to his right and sees only two parachutes. The pilot says "Ok guys, only two-" Then the plane blows up.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says: Why the long face? The horse says: "My wife's dead."

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get away from a gigantic tiger slowly stalking him

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why couldn't my grandpa use a cell phone? He didn't have hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Ask me if I'm a cucumber. Are you a cucumber? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I had a lemon. hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two guys walk into a bar.... OUCH

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? What chicken?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How does a Black Guy eat chicken. Like anyother human-being.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

If I said you had a beautiful body would you stop asking me if those jeans make you look fat?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the pirate fall off his ship? He got pushed off by another pirate

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why do birds fly South in the winter? Warmer, better food sources and therefore greater chance of survival.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you do when you see a black man limping in your yard? You invite him inside, ask him what happened, and possibly call an ambulance if, God forbid, the situation is that serious.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happens when you wake a sleepwalker? Waking sleepwalkers does not harm them. While it is true that a person may be confused or disoriented for a short time after awakening, this does not cause them further harm. In contrast, sleepwalkers may injure themselves if they trip over objects or lose their balance while sleepwalking. Such injuries are common among sleepwalkers.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What would Steve Jobs be doing today if he were alive? Dying.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red, Violets are violet, If you think Violets are blue you're an idiot because they're called violets for a reason.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops