How do you get someone off a swing? ask them politely.

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What did one dinosaur say to the other? Nothing and if you think dinosaurs talk you might need to be diagnosed for having Schizophrenia. Invega is a subtle treatment.

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what did the angry asian man do after chrashing his car? He died later in the hospital that night from a combination of severe head trauma, internal bleeding, and various fractures.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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How many christians does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows, by the time they finish unscrewing the burned out light, a hi-jacked plane crashes into them.

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Why did the man have trouble breathing after meeting the President? He had a collapsed lung.

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Q: What did the bartender say to the Arab as he was walking in? A: Nothing, the bomb had already killed them both.

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You walk in to your room. 7 chickens on your bed.

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roses are red violets are blue my dick is long longer then you

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What did the horse say to the other horse? We are both horses

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no hands. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not sally.

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Yo mamma is so nice, when she bakes a batch of cookies, there's enough for everybody.

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There are 100 men enjoying a cruise to celebrate an important contract going through at their place of employment. The boat then suffers a major malfunction and tragically sinks to the bottom of the ocean, miles from any land masses. Not a single man died, how is this possible? They all used the lifeboats supplied on the boat and followed the standard procedure to deal with such a crisis.

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How do you do to stop a baby who is circling? You nail his other feet.

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Who doesn't love finding money in your pocket when you go to put your pants on? a rape victim

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What do you call a panda without a head? Dead.

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whats 2+2? gonorrhea.

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What's utter destruction but still has wheels? A car that was crushed at a junk yard, after the Bridgestone tires were removed for another car that could still use them

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what do you call one black man surrounded by ten white men.... A story teller

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Knock knock! Go away. I'm busy masturbating, and it would be extremely awkward if you were to entire my residence at this time. Please return at a later hour.

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Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

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You know what they say about a man with big feet! They say it's indicative of the size of his penis, although there's no scientific evidence backing this up.

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how many A.D.D. kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?lets go play!

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I once saw a picture of a man who was bloodily murdered with his testicles replacing his eyes. then i had a nightmare, that was completely unrelated

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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