Q:What do you call a black priest? A: A great quality volunteer at a local church.

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Who doesn't love finding money in your pocket when you go to put your pants on? a rape victim

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Why wasn't the tractor moving? Because the farmer was killed in a drive-by shooting.

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how many jews can you fit in a buick? six if you squeeze 4 in the back

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Knock knock! Who's there? A Doorbell salesman.

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How many kids does Buzz Light Year have? To infinity and beyond!!

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What happens if you type "Michael Jackson" divided by "Friends" on a calculator? DIVIDE BY 0 ERROR.

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whats green and has wheels grass and i lied about the wheels

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A dog walks into a bar and succumbs to heartworm.

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What did the boy with no legs get? A treadmill.

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A kid goes into the ocean on a boogyboard and then gets eaten by a shark because the shark thought he was a seal.

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do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

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There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

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why did the little boy drop his ice cream cone? because he was hit by the planes that hit twin towers

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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Q. What is the difference between a bird and a fly? A. A bird can fly, but a fly can't.

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Roses are OK, Violets do the trick, C'mon and let me whip out my Dick.

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What do you call a middle-aged Polish man on Skype? A lonely man.

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Why did the man murder his wife? Because she would'nt do the the dishes

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A wise man once said, "Your life is your habits." So simple yet so true. My habits include: Breathing, having my heart beat, producing brain waves, and other regulatory bodily processes.

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A man realizes the whole time he has wanted to fly like a bird. His funeral was two weeks later

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only in america: does pizza arrive at your house faster than an ambulence do banks leave their doors open and chain their pens to the desks people put their usless junk in the garage and thier expensive cars in the driveway

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I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and she called me a pedofile. i told her that was a pretty big word for a 9 year old.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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