What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

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Q. Where did Little Timmy go for Christmas? A. Auschwitz

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says "Well, it's a long story but I tell you. You see, one day I was walking along the beach and I found a dusty old lamp. I rubbed the lamp and a big magic genie appeared. He told me I could have 3 wishes." The horse continues: "So I told the genie I wish I had a 10 billion dollars. I checked my bank account and sure enough it came true. My second wish was I wished for a beautiful wife. Suddenly a light came from the sky like an angel falling and I saw a beautiful woman and fell in love with her." The bartender says to the horse "Let me guess, so for your third wish, did you wish you were a horse with a long face?" The horse says "No that's not what I wished for." The bartender asks "What was your third wish?" The horse says "Well you won't believe me but I wished I was a bartender pretending to talk to a horse about some genie granting him wishes." After about 30 minutes of arguing with himself, other employees at the bar had had enough of the bartender talking to himself and called psychiatric personnel to escort the bartender to the mental hospital as his schizophrenia is getting worse.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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Why are you going to thumbs this joke up? Because I use the words "Chuck Norris" Thus making it impossible to not thumbs up.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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It's fun for you and me, that's why they call it OCD It's easy as 1..2.... Hey look a butterfly!

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#IHateHashtags

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What did the homeless guy do when he found a quarter? He picked it up

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What happened after the man walked off the cliff? Nothing. It was a foot tall.

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I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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What did the teacher say to the student? You failed science

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What's the difference between ?2 and and 74^3? ?-405242.585786

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a tape worm in your apple.

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"Want to hear something ironic?" ...he said to the deaf man.

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What's the best part of a family reunion? The sodomy.

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What did Luigi say to Mario? You look like a fat Mexican

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Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

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Why Does God Hate Gays? He Doesent, God Does Not Exist.

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"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" "I'm not quite sure, but your on fire."

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How do u save a black person from drowning? Take ur foot off the back of there head

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Jose gutierrez is a gay fish.

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Whats the diffrence between a white and a black guy? one of them is black

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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