- Anti Joke

Who wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? P. Diddy.

Why was the boy sitting alone? Because all his friends died.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

Why did the boy fall of his bike? Becuase he was hit by a couch.

Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

Why does the man ignore his wife? Because he is dead.

wetly sucks dick just like teh boowb

Why wasn't Johnny at school today? Because he died in childbirth.

What do you call a fat man that can turn slim REALLY fast? Drew Carey

chuck norris can round house kick reasonably well

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She's a women.

What's the opposite of Christopher Walkins? Christopher Reeves.

The other day I saw this dog. It said woof.

Your momma is so dumb she has to have weekly tutoring to help understand finding the value of x in an equation.

What do you get when you cross an owl, with a bungee cord?..... My ass.

What do you call a black man on the moon?? Never going to happen

Roses are red Violets are blue I am disabled, so please help me poo.

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

What do you call a Mexican in the sand? A churro! (not trying to be racist, I'm even Mexican)

So a guy is on his way to work and he nearly gets hit by a bus. He sticks his middle finger up at the bus driver but a couple seconds later he realized that it was the same bus he was supposed to get on so he apologized to the bus driver and got on the bus. He was 15 minutes late for the 420th time this week so he was fired from his job and went back home. On his way home he was not allowed on the bus because he left his oyster card somewhere so he had to walk home. 69 minutes later he arrives home to his wife and kids. What did the man say to his wife when he got back home? "Hi."

What did the captcha tell me to write? Tepsyto Dora

Okay, I just really want you to trust me again,

Whatd the boner say to the limp dick get your head up kid

What do you get when you mix a fox and a sloth? a..FOTH

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops