How are cars made? By magic.

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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Remember that part where Jesus gets angry at a fig three and kills it because it "was lazy" for refusing to grow figs at winter? Brother Jeez, that was kinda mean man! You know it was winter rite? Anti Joke or not, that part is funny, so if Jesus returns and wants you to make him a sammich you better go get that goddamn sammich!

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Knock knock Who's there? The police your son died in a car wreck.

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What do you get when you read a book? More knowledge in your brain.

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What do chinese people eat? Chinese food.

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what is the only death better than asama bin ladin JUSTIN BIEBER'S

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What did the cow do when it got run over by a tractor? It died.

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What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing, fruit can't talk.

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what happened to the little kid on a bicycle? Nothing

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What did the three year old say when he dropped his milk? Shitting buggery!

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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Roses are rainbow. Violets are rainbow. Everything is rainbow. Thats why you don't take LSD.

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A kid who lost parents is called an orphan and a wife who lost her husband is called a widow. What do you call parents who lost their child? Free on the Weekends.

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Where would you find 10 dead babies buried next to each other? In a cemetary.

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? it has no legs.

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A blonde walks into a bar; she orders and enjoys her drink and then leaves with her thirst quenched.

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Neither does he.

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What do you get when you cross an owl, with a bungee cord?..... My ass.

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What's the difference between a black man and a Jew? Their ancestral heritage

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What did the three bears say when rhey discovered goldilocks? Nothing. They mauled her to death.

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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Why did the blind man have a poo Because he needed one.

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What happened when Susie fell off the Ferris Wheel? There was an open seat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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