Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? Because she had no arms or legs. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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what do you call a Palestinian with a large blade at the throat of an Israeli? a barber

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Where did all the time go? In a recent study, 100% of all time, all systems go.

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what is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? -one is the chosen people of Isreal and one is a food that was founded in Italy

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How many software professionals does it take to get a file committed to source control? Well, today it took five.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They scolded her and sent her to her room.

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What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? Nothing. Nothing happens when you insert batteries backwards

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How do you get your dog to stop peeing on the floor? SHOOT IT!!!

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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The weels on the bus go...flat

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How do you kill a black person? Make them skydive 10,000 feet in the air without a parachute

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I went to the zoo the other day there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu. By Nathan Luque CARROTS!!!

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What did the stop sign say to the no smoking sign? Stop

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What's the difference between Bobby and a plane? Bobby can be sexually molested.

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what's worse than finding a truck full of dead babys taking them out with a pitchfork

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A man walks into a bar, and promptly leaves because he left his kid in the car.

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What is one of the symtoms of clinical depression? Sadness.

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Why did the black man fall down? A guy pushed him.

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96

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Man: Drink this. Man 2: Ok. (Drinks it) Man; You drank a powerful substance that is 20000 times stronger than hydrochloric acid! Man2: Oh FUCK! Kelvin Yang.

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What's black and white and red all over it? Not a newspaper because red is not all over it. Answers to this question may vary.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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