What's green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A pool table

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What do you get when you cross a sponge with a Bob? Spongebob.

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Guy #1: Knock knock Guy #2: Whos there? Guy #1: Interrupting murderer Guy #2: Interrupting murd.... Guy #1: STAB!!!

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What do you call a black man who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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Why is my car broken? Because I drove it into a wall.

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What do you call a man who interru- SHUT UP!

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the jungle? Because it is not financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals in a largely unpopulated area.

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An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman are standing on the side of a cliff. The Englishman jumps off the cliff. The American also jumps off the cliff. He is followed by the Frenchman. Suicide and depression are major problems in today's world regardless of nationality.

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What's green and has wheels? Dave Matthew's Band

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Why was the black man unemployed and in debt? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his opportunities from a young age.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank Answer - to get his quarter back

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What do you call a black man who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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Hey! i just thought of the funniest joke! okay so it goes like this: A man was walking down the street and saw a bar... he walked in and.... yeah, thats about it.....

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what's 2 + 2? i don't know that's why i'm asking you

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Q: What's DNA? A: The National Dyslexic Assosiation.

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So a magician was driving down the road and then he turned into a driveway!

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What did the dog say to the dildo? Your rubber

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Whats funnier than a anti-joke? 911

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A man didn't feel well so he went to the toilet. He had explosive diahrria, then felt better.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? I don't know. I'm paralyzed.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Games stop telling me to press any key to continue. That key doesn't exist.

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So two friends walk into a bar. One says to the bartender, "Get me a Miller Lite please." The bartender says, "Sure." The other friend says, "Get me a Cosmopolitan please." The bartender stares at him and says, "That is not the drink I was expecting you to order, but I respect your decision."

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Once upon a time a was born

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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