A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

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What did the retard say to the other retard? *(incoherent gibberish)*

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How do you make a mail man cry? Run him over with a forklift.

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Why did the nun cry? 12 babies were killed under her care.

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wanna hear a good anti-joke? no, anti-jokes are a waste of time.

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Why did the kid drop his football? He had a heart attack

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Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

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Dear Board of education, so are we.

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What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "I'm worried about your book choice, maybe you should consult a theropast".

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A man suffering from terminal cancer walks into a bar and orders a soda because his doctor advised him not to drink. The bartender and others in the establishment are completely unaware of his disability.

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What's funnier A Ginger or a fat kid A fat ass ginger

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What's the difference between a black man and a orange? One is a fruit and other isn't

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i suck at poetry, show me your tits!

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Why was the white man arrested? He was a rapist.

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Her lips aren't proportionally fit to her face

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You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was a free-range chicken

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What's the difference between the WNBA and the NBA? The WNBA features female athletes, as oppose to the males of the NBA.

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What do dogs and whales have in common? They both live in the ocean. Apart from the dog.

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what language does the turtle speak? i dont know I'm not a turtle.

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Your moma is so fat, that Jabba the Hutt says: "Damn!!!"

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Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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