Chuck Norris can right-click with a mac mouse

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What did the Atheist say in church? His best friend's eulogy.

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There's a priest, doctor, and blonde on a plane. At the end of the flight they all go their separate ways.

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The screams were loud. It was just one big fire behind him. He and his fellow chickens had been trapped. They thought they were being freed... They thought wrong. The guards herded them in and then the heat started. The fires began to rage. His friends, his allies, his brothers, were falling dead, burning, beside him. He had to escape. He did not think, only acted. Lashing out at the guard, he knocked him down and ran. He ran and ran until he could run no more, and he still kept running. He could still hear his brothers' screams. He could still see their faces burning before his eyes. He reached the road, and finally stopped. He looked around. The screams had stopped. The heat had left his body. But then another sound came. Yelling. The guards. They were following him. He tried to keep running. But he just couldn't. He was finished. He fell on the road, sliding himself along as quickly as he could. He hadn't run this far to be caught by the guards. He stopped. He could go no further. He looked up and saw the blue sky, cloudless and free. The last thing he heard was a roaring engine. The guards never found his body.

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I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then I got stabbed.

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How do mummies keep there secrets wrapped up? They are dead.

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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What can you use a broken watch for? A compass.

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What happened to the chicken that crossed the road. It got hit by a fridge.

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Did you hear about the monkey in the tree? Oh no wait. It was a lizard.

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How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

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What's the difference in an orange? A chicken because a vest has no sleeves.

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Why did a vampire climb Mount Everest in the middle of the night on his birthday in September?

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Harry Chappell raped someone

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Q: why didn't the asian boy ask for a calculator? A: you don't need calculators to make shoes

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Q: What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? A: We are both lawyers.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Knock Knock Who's There Lettuce Lettuce who? Lettuce down the street building his new garage

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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What do you get when you cross a hamster with a zebra? A genetic abomination that you should put out of it's misery.

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What did the parrot say to the dumb man? Nothing

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Q: How long does it take to dig to China? A: 5 mins. I hire a bunch of mexicans

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How do fish die in water? The BP oil spill

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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