Wife: Does this make me look fat? Husband: Honey, your already fat.

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What's worse than your dad dying in a car crash? Your mom being in the same car.

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what do you call a black man with no arms or legs sitting on a porch? "sir" His life is hard enough with out being subject to social rudeness

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? One, unless she's too short, in which case she may get someone else to do it for her.

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What happens when you choke a smurf? It dies.

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WHat did REAAAALLLY Jesus say when, walking on, wat, er?, Will somebody please get me of this floating piece of ice? Please? Stop screaming HALLELUJAH! People: HALLELUJAH!

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Q. How do you kill 5000 flies? A. Slap a afraican in the face.

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Why doesn't Bella like airplanes? Because her family crashed in one....

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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Why do vampires suck blood? Because they re crazy.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released at a nearby park.

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A godless abomination that violates every ethical standard known to man.

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Steven hawking walks into a bar. a.w j.p

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How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

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How do you confuse a blonde? Speak to her in a nonsensical language of gibberish you have devised without her being able to understand or translate.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Duh!!!."

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What did the alien say to the parachute? We're connected

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Why was the girl crying? She had just been severely raped.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me to.

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? -Nothing, he doesn't know sign language.

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What's your guys names?

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Roses are red My parents are dead I am Batman.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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