Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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why did the baby fall out of the tree? the monkey dropped it. why did the monkey drop the baby? it was dead.

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Why did the boy fall off of the swing? Because he had no arms

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why is six afraid of seven? because seven is black

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Mark Twain, Jesus, and Bill Gates are sitting at a bar. Someone messed with the space time continuum again.

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Don't rape me!

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Knock knock. Who's there. Alex. Alex who? Your brother Alex. Oh, please come in.

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There was a mexican man and a chinese man, They walked into a bomb shop and bought three bombs, then left.

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Roses are purple violets are green I am color blind shut up

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(warning- this is sort of funny) A mom takes her son to cvs to pick up her pills. Son- Mom whats a pharmacists? Mom- well sweetie its a person who sells people drugs Monday Morning Teacher- Class, did you learn anything over the weekend? Son- Yah, i learned that my mommy has been taking me with her every week, to a person who sells drugs Later that week Teacher- Yes, hi, um your son has told me that you take him to buy drugs with you, i may have to call social services Mom- what? this is a misunderstanding, i go to a pharmacists to buy drugs. That evening Mom-what did you tell your teacher at school Son- you've been telling me that i go with you to buy drugs Mom- baby i need pills, well, because, im sick. Son- ohhhhhhhhhhhh ok At school Teacher- Billy ive called s.s on your mom, u will be living with foster parents Son- ohhhhhhhhhhhh ok Evening Police- ?Ms. Thackery, is this your student. Teacher- Yes Police- His mom has tradgicly died in a pool of tears after finding out YOU called s.s Mom- what? omg. DAMN Police- Im afraid u r under arrest for the cause of his mothers death Class- yayyyyyyy wooo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Billy Billy Billy Billy. hip hip hooray Teacher- Damn Son- mommy? Police- ur mommy's dead, sucks right sooooooo here's a box and ten bucks......... go live your life

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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What did the whale do when he was angry? He beached himself, causing a major ecological disaster and costing the beach community thousands of dollars to return him to the water.

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Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

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Do you know what a zombie smells like? Death

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Roses are red My name is Dave This makes no sense Microwave

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you: guess what somebody: what? you: you have cancer

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How long does it take for britney spears to change a light bulb? Fish can not leave the water without dieing.

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Why did John McCain lose the election? He did not get as many votes as Barack Obama.

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why did the young teenage boy E J A C U L A T E? because he saw his sexy dad shirtless.

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Why was the drunk man arrested? he beat his wife and was sentenced too 3 months in federal prison

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What did the astronaut say when he stepped on the moon? Oops, sorry.

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Why did the black man not tip his waiter? Because she provided terrible service and was undeserving.

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How do you get an Asian man to build you a computer? Pay him a reasonable amount of money

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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