a boy with asperges asked me a question today he asked me again and again because he has asperges

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A: How do you piss off a female pilot? Q: Kill her family

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What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A park bench can support a family of four.

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There are 500 bricks on an airplane. If you drop one out, how many are left? 499. There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they? Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge. There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they? Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge. The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that? The deer is in the fridge. A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it? She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party. She dies anyways. Why? She gets hit in the head with a brick.

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What's black and white and red all over? An interracial couple that has just been brutally murdered. If you see this, you should probably notify the local police so that they may investigate the situiation.

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Why did little polly fall off her her roof? Because she saw a ice-cream van

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Why can't Michel Jackson play chess? He's dead

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Why did the girl have an abortion? Because she wanted a burger.

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A man is pulled over because he is suspected of drunk driving. The officer comes to the window and is greeted by a man who then replies: What seems to be the officer, problem?

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What you do if you poo out a slug? Eat it.

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why did the circus boy not do his homework? because he was in a coma.

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Did you see Stevie wonders house? Neither did he.

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How do you get 100 Africans in a phone box? Throw a can of beans in there.

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My childhood friend said she had a bad breakup with her husband (yeah husband), and that she needed a really stiff one. Come on! How was I supposed to know she was talking about alcohol! She did blush and smile after I pulled my pants down however, that`s like seven out of ten right? I mean I was just trying to help a friend out right? And myself, fine myself, but it will be a total win/win situation, you know... Those where you win twice? "Dont worry, Im not comming" *pewpew*

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What did the little boy with cancer say right before he died? Nothing. He was very sick, and could not speak during the last few weeks of his life.

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Im a Tree... BARK BARK!!!

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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"What's 'green', 'blue', and 'red' all over?" My color-blind friend said in confusion.

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Every time im sad, I think of a T-Rex trying to put on a hat.

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Q. What happened first The Tree or The Apple. A. Johny Appleseed.

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whats up with the irish jokes? Honestly im not a alcoholic so all of you can go F*** yourselfs...

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Dwight Howard

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Nobody is here, nobody would ever want to knock on the door of you. Yes, you. You reading these awful jokes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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