My childhood friend said she had a bad breakup with her husband (yeah husband), and that she needed a really stiff one. Come on! How was I supposed to know she was talking about alcohol! She did blush and smile after I pulled my pants down however, that`s like seven out of ten right? I mean I was just trying to help a friend out right? And myself, fine myself, but it will be a total win/win situation, you know... Those where you win twice? "Dont worry, Im not comming" *pewpew*

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What did the little boy with cancer say right before he died? Nothing. He was very sick, and could not speak during the last few weeks of his life.

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Im a Tree... BARK BARK!!!

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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"What's 'green', 'blue', and 'red' all over?" My color-blind friend said in confusion.

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Every time im sad, I think of a T-Rex trying to put on a hat.

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Q. What happened first The Tree or The Apple. A. Johny Appleseed.

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whats up with the irish jokes? Honestly im not a alcoholic so all of you can go F*** yourselfs...

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Dwight Howard

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Nobody is here, nobody would ever want to knock on the door of you. Yes, you. You reading these awful jokes.

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How do you make a bowl of cheese? First you get a bowl. Then insert the cheese.

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What do you call a boy with no arm and no legs in a fire? Screwed.

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Im Jackson Sinclair and Me and Carter Weeks-69;)

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? Because he accidently dropped it.

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Why did the Hispanic man have no job? Because we are in a recession, and work is hard to come by in this tough economy.

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Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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If I could Rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and Q together.

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Q: What has two legs and is bloody? A: half a cat

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How did the young child react when a bullet went through his head? He fell to the ground and his heart stopped beating.

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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roses are red , violets are blue , sugar is sweet and so are you. the roses are wilting the violets are dead. the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

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What happen to the boy who poured water on his head? He got wet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops