Would anyone like to contribute to my slush fund?

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no pun intended

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How do you kill a blonde? Cut off the bloodflow to their vital organs.

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what do you call a cow on a rollercoaster? a very dangerous and unlikely event

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Where there is a will, there is generally a grieving family... I miss you, dad.

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How I seem math word problems Scenario: 2 astronauts kayaking in the Sahara desert Question: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse Answer: Purple, because ice cream has no bones

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why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

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Where did the Jew put his money? In a low rist, interest bearing mutual fund.

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Yo mommas so stupid, she has a slightly below average IQ.

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Remember when Jesse Ziegenbein was skinny?

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Why was the woman making a sandwhich in the kitchen? She was hungry.

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A blond and his wife were in the hospital expecting their first child together. The wife gives birth to twins and the husband turns to her and says, "I can't believe we had twins. I'm so happy!"

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i like my woman how i like my coffe... without d i c k s

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What did the teenage girl text her friend while driving? It doesn't matter, she's dead now. Don't text and drive.

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How many babys does it take to paint a wall red? 7 and 24 paint brushes cause babys need do overs

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What do you call a duck playing a trombone? Hallucinations

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Buy a SHOTGUN!!!!

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A ginger, a brunette and a blonde all go to the store. They are checking out and the ginger says to the blonde, "Why did you get that cereal instead of the one on sale?" And the blonde says "Because I have a membership card that gave me a discount on this cereal." The ginger gets out of line to return her cereal because she remembers she too has a membership card. And then the brunette pulls out a gun and shoots them all because she has depression and needs psychiatric help.

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Knock Knock Whos there? It's me Ben. You just told me to come over. We are going jogging aren' we? Oh ya, sorry. I forgot the time. Is it cold out? Ya, it is pretty cold. You should bring a jacket. Ok, let me go get my jacket. Alright, can u grab me a water please? Ya sure. Thankyou.

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Why did the boy with cancer cross the road? He was hoping to get hit by a truck.

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cake cake and no cake, your life just ended

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What do you get on anti-jokes.com? A bunch of repeated "jokes", that don't make any sense.

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Your text.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have ADD Hey look, a squirrel!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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