This is Jeff and I gots to take a HUGE SHIT. I bet its gonna be smelly and runny. After I wipe I'm gonna lick it and taste it. I bet it tastes GOOD. I hope it has a lil blood in it too.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Hey did you see Helen Keller's dress? No, she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Wanna hear a joke? Sure. Too bad I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what do you get when a penguin has a heart atack pengatack

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did little Lisa fall off the swings? She had no arms

thumb_up thumb_down

people say i have big feet but you know what the say about people with big feet? :) big socks. sl

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Ring Ring Hello? Click

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man asks his friend "what's black, blue, and red all over?" He repiles, "Nothing, because I'm colorblind."

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Yo momma soo fat, she got diabetes and died

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's big, wet and hairy? Not what you think it is.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Magic is another word for "poorly perceived analysis of the mechanics of this complex instrumentality we call optical illusion."

thumb_up thumb_down +168

anti jokes

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A man walks into a bar gets drunk gets in his car and has a terrible crash because he was to intoxicated the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There was a guy and a girl naked in bed, sleeping together. When they woke up they didn't remember the last 72 hours and wanted some questions answered, including Where am I? Who are you? What year is it? What's my name?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a dumb Asian? An Asian who lacks education.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

So there's this bigass moose, and it goes in the store and it asks the lady bitch "where the potatoes at" and the lady bitch says "down aisle 5" so the moose goes down to isle 5 and there aint no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A serial killer walks into a bar... He is finally arrested after killing several people within the bar, goes to court, and it was decided that he is suffering from a rare case of maddening schizophrenia, and sent indefinitely to a mental hospital...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you get when you a bunch of women and men with a high sex drive? A group of men and women with a high sex drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Sticks and stones may break my bones because I have osteoporosis

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Q. What did the chicken say to the buffalo? A. Nothing, this is an improbable predicament.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why does the octopus have no friends? because they're anti social by nature

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops