Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Knock Knock Whose there? Its John

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A woman's opinion

thumb_up thumb_down +1

a blond, brunette, and red head all walk out of a hair salon.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Your face Godammit!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you get when you cross Chuck Norris with a cheetah? Don't do that, I'm pretty sure it's illegal for several reasons.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

If Timmy has 2 apples and Sarah has 7 apples, what is the square root of the distance of Mars and Jupiter divided by the speed of light if X equals the value of negative infinity given the equation X(2) - E=MC/7?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If Beauty Exits ... The Heck Are You?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Jimmy fall off his bike? He had no arms… Why did he have no arms? Jimmy was a potato

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

hey what are you eating there? a giant scorpion that tried to rape me.

thumb_up thumb_down

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said, "No change. He's likely to die, too."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a person falling off a cliff Dead

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Theory: Jesus: Father why must I go die in order to defeat sin, is sin not a product of humans? God: SHHH! You want humans to know they are stronger than us? Real life: Later on the cross Jesus: FATHER WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! God: *Thunder* Moral: Makes sense... Kinda? Maybe? A bit? I honestly do not get it :(

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Whats the difference between a giraffe and an elephant. Ones a giraffe and ones and elephant

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How do you confuse Hellen Keller? You do not, as she is blind and deaf, and partaking in doing so would be the morally wrong thing to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

how did the snake fly? it couldnt snakescant fly

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a bus full of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A tragedy

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A blind man walked past a fish store. For a second he thought it might be a womens vaginal odor, but then concluded it was most likely a fish store, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What did the serial rapist say to his best friend? A: You're a good friend

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Q: How do you confuse a blonde. A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to pee in the corner. Q: How does a blonde confuse you? A: She says she's done.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A elephant drowns when it was swimming, why did this happen? Who cares its already dead!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why can't Dave drive? Because Dave is an orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops