A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Wanna Hear a joke.... Corey Jacobs is a FAT ASS

thumb_up thumb_down -12

there are three types of people in this world, those who can't count, and those who can. STFU, you corny loser

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I was walking down the street next thing I new 15 blacks and Hispanics died in a dive buy. The next day every white guy in the cars doin the drive buy blew up ohwell

thumb_up thumb_down -3

This is not a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do a priest, a rabbi, and an asian have in common? They all don't know each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What is bad about being black and Jewish? Your gonna have to sit in the back of the oven

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Why was the boy in hospital? He fell off the bus and was run over by many cars.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

The homeless man first experience warmth....in Hell

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why did Mary fall off the swing? cuz she had no arms ------------------- knock,knock who's there? not Mary

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why didn't the chef serve the black guy his food? Because he wasn't a waitor.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats brown and sticky? Shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A blonde, red head and brunette decide the jump off a cliff....... They all die

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

what did the little boy say to little girl? I shit bricks.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a cow that's not cooked? A cow

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

It was a beautiful day, John was driving in his car down the street, Kameron was riding his bike preparing for a bike race the following day, and Griffin was having his 7th birthday party. John ran over Kameron and Griffin, he killed Griffin and broke Kameron's legs to where he could never stand/ride again

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Tulips are red, And my garden is red. OMG...MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why didn't the blonde have friends? She couldn't find them at the store.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops