If life gives you lemons ask where they came from.

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Train A leaves the station at 1:42 while traveling in 176kmh. How long will it take for the conductor to realize the bridge it ou... Too long.

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Exercise Ex - Er - Cise Ex - Ar - Size.. Eggs Are Sides For bacon.. BACON

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A dog walks into a bar and asks for a pint.. But is immediately turned away as dogs are not allowed in pubs.

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Why a polar bear fell over? He drank so much

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Rich merchant started build a new bigger home for his family. He bought good blueprints and hired some construction workers to build it up. It took 2 years for the house to finish. Just few days before moving in, he had an horrible nightmare where little green men set the house on fire. When he woke up, he heard the bad news. House was burned down during the night. Merchant was shocked and sad. After couple of weeks, he decided to build a new house. This time a smaller one. Again he bought blueprints and hired people to work for him. Almost a year later, the house was starting to be finished. And again he saw that nightmare of little green men burning the house down. At morning he already knew the news and started to investigate these happenings. Local police officer couldn't help him and so didn't anyone else he asked. Merchant decided to try once more to build new home. This time he had money only for a small farmhouse. Building it up last 6 months, and almost every night merchant was guarding the construction site for little green men. Farmhouse finished in time and merchant moved in. In couple weeks he started to relax and think that little green men stopped harassing him. At one night, couple of months after moving in. Merchant saw the nightmare again, and woke up in burning house. He escaped from the window and saved his wife and children. Then he ran to the village to call for help. The next morning, merchant was sitting next to his burned home and just thinking the motives for green men, what did he do in past so that green men were angry at him? Some villagers had come to watch the burned house and merchant saw something green in middle of the crowd. He slowly walked towards the crowd and saw this little man fleeing. He started to pursue this man and was pumped with adrealine. Didn't last long when merchant catched this little guy and held him in the ground to ask "Who are you? Do you have anything to do with those housefires?" The little green man was calm and relaxed as he answered "No."

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How about that airline food?

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What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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What is the difference between a ginger and a pile of bricks? nothing. nothing at all.

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Your computer will self - destruct in 5 seconds

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What's the difference between an ice cream cone and a pile of dead babies? I don't cum on the ice cream before I eat it.

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A Fairly ghetto African-American male and a Korean Merchant pass each other on the streets of L.A. two weeks after the Rodney King riots, what happens? The merchant nods his head to say hello to the African-American and the African-American male does the same and they both live out sucessful lives. By the way the African-American just got accepted to Harvard on a scholarship program.

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What did the DVD player say when a video tape was put in? You incompatible.

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Whats the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

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A man walks into a Norfolk pub. The landlord (not being very worldly) notices he is of Middle Eastern descent and asks "are you Bin Laden"? To this the man replies "No I bin Swaffham". (Needs to be said in Norfolk accent)

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What did the Chinese man say to the other Chinese man? I don't know. I can't speak Chinese.

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What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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what happens when a migit and a horse have sex..... probably nothing

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Roses are black, violets are black. I'm blind.

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My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have five fingers and one of then is poking at you

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I worship you Nero, and I wont even begin to explain myself why.

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor Adams. You called me about your father's stroke.

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What did the mute man say to his mother? Seeing as mute men can't talk, we'll never know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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