"The hills are alive..." Impossible, hills can never be alive.

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what goes up and down , and left and right all day without breaking a sweat? A compass, get your mind out of the gudder.

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Yo mamas so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest the host said "sorry no Professionals"

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Okay, So a Cow, a Lumberjack and a Fireman walk into a bar. The cow asks the bartender, "What kind of milk do you have?" The bartender looks confused and asks," Why would a cow want milk?" The cow replies,"I've been producing milk all my life and I've never had a chance to try it. I'd just like some milk." The bartender replies,"Okay we have whole milk, 2%, and skim milk. What'll you have?" The cow says,"Whole milk, I want the whole deal." The bartender obliges. Next the Lumberjack comes up to the bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The lumberjack asks for some syrup. The bartender inquiries,"What kind of syrup would you like?" The lumberjack answers,"Pure Maple, imitation, or chocolate. All work for me." The bartender turns and pours a shot of pure maple syrup and turns away. Finally the fireman walks up the the bartender and says, "Can I have a glass of water?" The bartender turn and ask inquisitively,"Why?" The fireman quickly replies,"TO PUT OUT THE FIRE!"...

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whats the difference between a fur rug and a pile of dead babies? i dont lie on a fur rug to pleasure myself

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Why are VIOLETS blue?

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What did the blind girl say? Its dark in here.

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What do you call a really old black person? Someone's grandfather

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What did one duck say to the other? Quack.

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"Hheheheh Hey Butthead"- "Were Gonna Score!"

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What did I write on this website? This antijoke.

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What colour are blackberries? Purple.

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13

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What happens if you are in the north pole at a temperature of -2 Cº and you throw a rock to the air in straight line? The green rockeater will eat it

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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A man walks in to a bar, and the Bartender says "Why the long face?" The man replies "My wife is dying of Terminal Cancer".

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a cat? You can't. The current state of genetic engineering will not allow avian DNA and mammalian DNA to be combined.

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What did the black cat say to the tabby cat?? Meow

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Why did paul macartny have plastic surgery? Because he wasn't happy with the looked

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a man walks into a bar it hurt

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

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Whats black on top and white on bottom? Rape.

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A black guy and a white girl are walking toward each other in a dark alley. Which one takes off his/her clothes first? The black guy as he is closer to home and therefore closer to his bathroom where he took a shower after a hard day's work.

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Q: Why Marc can't run? A: Marc is a leaf.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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