What is the definition of nothing? The opposite of something.

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Why was the bear rushing home after work? Because he was late for dinner.

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A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: I am.

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Why did Stephen Hawking ask for pizza? Because he was hungry.

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How do you make a little boy get off a swing? You are an adult and perhaps it is inappropriate for you to be on a swing, especially when it is already occupied by a child of the right age.

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What's worse then 2 dead monkeys? 3 dead monkeys!

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked: "Why the long face?" The horse said: "My wife just died."

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What do you call a rich black person? A: Oprah

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What is a gremlin? A gremlin.

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What's worse than heartbreak? Getting run over by a steamroller.

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I like to eat.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Nobody cause your a loser.

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Q: Why is Alzheimer not funny? A: To get to the other side.

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A girl and a boy where sitting on a couch together. The boy told the girl politly that she hass gained a significant amount of weight and should lose it. She then pulled out a candy bar in her back pocket and shoved it down his throat, to which he suffocated, because she was on her period when to comment was made.

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Why did the woman go to the kitchen? The same reason she went to the bathroom, she needed to wash her hands because she was finger painting. Her husband was using the bathroom.

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yo mama is so fat that when she stepped on the scale she exclaimed "wow, i'm overweight" she then proceeded to eat a cupcake to mask her pain.

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what long green and bumpy? a pickle

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You can eat a pie. You can eat a chicken. But you cannot eat a human being because that would be called cannibalism and cannibalism is a felony that can give the government a right to hold you in an international detainment facility for up to 40 years.

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There was a blond girl and a brunette girl. The brunette had a pink shirt that had " Abercrombie & Fitch" on it. The blond looks at the brunette and asks, where did you get your shirt?

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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what did the cashier do when a Mexican robbed the store? call the police

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Why did the lizard turn blue? He was low on oxygen.

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What's the difference between a park bench and a hobo? The park bench can support a family

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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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