numbers just make the funniest antijokes

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Why couldnt i think of an anti-joke? cuz i was too high and a fly distracted me

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Q: Whats worse than a dead baby in a bag? A: Please just make my hamburger.

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels.

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Tom: So I heard a pretty good Anti-Joke the other day. Jim: Oh, I love those!! What was it? Tom: [says nothing]

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So a horse walks into a bar, animal service is called and after being unable to locate the owner he is put down.

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A man sees a bum laughing. He asks the bum "Why are you laughing", at which point the bum replies "I'm a bum!"

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When practicing the art of origami and the berrilium dialates, how many quince pies does it take to calculate a tree? Tricycle

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A man dies and goes to heaven. This is an assumption based on religious faith.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Violets are not blue They are Violet

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The biggest lie on earth: I have read and agree to the terms of use.

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What is purple, stupid, gay, and tells shitty jokes? I don't know. You think of something.

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Why couldn't the little pirate see the movie? His dad had just died in a freak accident on the boat. He was going to the funeral that day. Life as a pirate isn't at all as it seems. Little Jimmy the pirate, had nothing. He had no family. His mother dead already, his sister and brother refusing to speak to him because he ran off to be a pirate with his father. Clearly, he had no idea what he was getting into, because his father was gone. What was he to do now? He had no one to go to. The ship mates were all either completly insane or never sober. That very night, Jimmy took the pistol off the ship captian and shot himself point blank in the head. Little Jimmy is in a better place now. With his mother and father. In a place where he cant be harmed any more. I miss you Jim <3. ~ Jack Sullivan

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What do you call a dog that's having a stroke? An emergency animal hospital.

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how many babies does it take to paint a wall? it depends on how hard you throw them

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What do you call a Black guy who flies planes? A pilot

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What did the duck with one leg say to the pirate? Woof.

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So a duck walks into a drugstore and asks the clerk for lip balm. The clerk asks, "How will you be paying for that?" to which the duck replies, "Cash."

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Why didn't the boy get his sister a birthday present? Because it wasn't her birthday.

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what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

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I saw a poor man named rich

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An man was tested positive for HIV. He then called his girlfriend and told her she should get tested.

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a man walked into a bar he had no recollection of entering the bar so he exited the bar

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What is the difference between Barack Obama and Simba from the Lion King? One is a cartoon character from a beloved Disney classic and the other is the current President of the United States of America.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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