How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Q: What's the difference between a Chicken and a Triceratops? A: One is a Chicken and One is a Triceratops.

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So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

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Why doesn't Charlie Sheen take showers? Because he spends too much time on MySpace.

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What's the difference between a black man and a couch? One is a human being and one is a piece of furniture.

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Jesus hates you this I know, because Buddha told me soo.

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Roses are red. Violets are beer. Kay eckelkamp is in charge here.

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Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses. Unless they are next to the trashcan where you put your little sisters diapers

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What is the difference between a duck and a cow? One is an aquatic fowl and the other is a farmland mammal.

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what's white, got three legs and you wouldn't expect to find in the rainforest? A fridge on a stool

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What's Chris Benoit up to? Just hangin'

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Two men walk into a bar. It turns out the bar was a lever and set off a bomb. They both died.

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Yo momma so fat, when she sits on a rainbow nothing happens, as rainbows are merely rays of light refracted off of water particles in the air, apparent to humans only on a visible spectrum.

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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you should be a con artist.

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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what happens on labor day? the day she has a baby... ya your having a kid

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Nazi Nazi who? I am the mailman. I nazi your mailbox. Can I leave the letters on the front porch?

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Why did the man say "huh?" Because he didn't hear what they said.

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Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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What crime does a tree commit in order to be sent to prison? Trees on.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? It was simply tired of being mocked and judged by society.

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what did barrack obama say to the jew osama bin ladins a bitch

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How come the man couldnt read the directions? He was reading it upside down.

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what do you call a black guy fixing your electricity an electrician

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops