- Anti Joke

smell the vitamin C

A man walks into a bar He has a water, he is sober

Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

what do you call a blonde with black hair? Artificial intelligence

You're really messed up right now... elephants don't talk

Q: If you see a gipsy drowning, what will you throw him?! A: His family.

What do you call a midget sitting in a tree? Jim, because that's his name.

Q: How do you get a one armed Pollock out of a tree? A: Call the fire department.

Why did the black man go through the window of the house? He left his keys inside

A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

knock knock!? . . No.

A Minister a Priest and a Rabi walk into a bar, they are not setting a very good example.

A man was shot. He died.

Whats the difference between a field of corn and a dead body? The field of corn wasn't killed by severe blood loss and hemorrhaging after it was stabbed in the back, stomach and abdomen 27 times in 1987, where the escaped convicted serial killer buried it beside a river in Northern Dakota.

What did the orphan boy get for Christmas? Exactly what he had asked for because UNICEF do a wonderful job.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock Knock. I said who's there? Knock Knock. WHO THE FUCK'S THERE, GODDAMNIT? Knock Knock. PLEASE STOP IT STOP IT OH GOD STOP IT Knock Knock SWEET DEAR JESUS GOD CHRIST STOPSTOPOHGODSTOPITNOW Knock Knock. FORGODSSAKECOMEIN. Hello, Mark. Oh, hi, Steven.

Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

Oh look, a dead guy. He must have died

How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Scarlet fever or meningitis.

How do you sleep? With a knife I just saved a lot of money by switching to Geico......with a knife I'm going to the restroom, with a knife. How do you do a back flip with no hands? With a knife. What is 2 plus 2? The answer is 4, with a knife. Would like you like to go see a movie with me...with a knife? Today, I'm going to show you how bake a strawberry chocolate cake...with knife. I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...with a knife. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side....with a knife. A man walks to a bar and orders a shot of vodka....with a knife. Omg, I just saw Miley Cyrus at the mall today....with a knife. In Soviet Russia, blah blah blah, with a knife. How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? 1, with a knife. I'll be back in time for dinner, I'm going to the gym and work on my abs....with a knife.

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

a older brother and a lil brother have bunk beds, one night the older brother has his gf sneak over, they are going to have sex. he tells his gf, "say lettace for a new positon and say tomato for stop", they start and she screams, "lettace, tomato, lettace, tomato". then the lil brother says " will you guys stop making salad, ur getting mayonase all over my face!!!!"

There was 3 floors in a building. The man outside was watering plants. The man on the first floor was doing laundry. The man on the second floor was peeing out the window because the toilet wasn't working. The man on the third floor was cutting vegetables and accidentally dropped his knife out the window. Now, the four men all went out to tell what they did that day. The man on the third floor said that he was cutting veggies and dropped his knife out the window. The man on the second floor said that he got his wiener cut off. The man on the first floor said that he was just doing laundry. Then, the man outside said that he was watering plants and found a delicious sausage on the ground and he ate it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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