Dries Roelvink walks into a bar...

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Last night I had a Chinese By that I mean I abducted some Chinese people and ate them

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What's grey and can't swim? A Castle

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Who didn't allow the gorilla into the ballet studio? Whoever was in charge.

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Wanna hear a joke??... No...... oh ok :(

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How do you make Adolf Hitler angry? You can't, dead people are not sentient, and hence cannot feel anger.

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Q: What did your mom say to your dad? A: Honey i want a divorce.

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what did the white man say to the black man with the gun? Nothing he was dead

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Why did the 16 year old black kid drop out of high school? He started a successful small business selling mixtapes.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Getting voted down to page 4067

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How can you tell if an elepant has been in your refrigerator? It has been destroyed.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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"Want to hear a joke? Tough."

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? The colour of their skin.

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HEY WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRUCK! What truck? Weird I could have sworn I saw a truck...

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How do you find the population of Mexico? You take a census count by mail and/or a door to door questionnaire.

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A guy walks into a bra. The woman screams and calls 991.

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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Stephen Hawking raped your mom

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Why was the blind man bored? - He was in a coma

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what comes in a can ? Beans Where do beans come from ? Cans

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black. I am blind.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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