Guy 1: So who did you have sex with? Guy 2: I was Fucking Austria. Guy 1: What do you mean? Guy 2: Look it up.

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Violets are red. Roses are blue. I am drunk, and i'm about to spew.

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roses are red violets are blue show me your bed i wanna fuck you oh and roses are red violets are blue nice tits.

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TROLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOL

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Q)Why doesn't the blond have a job? A) he is 12

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The chicken came before the egg. Because eggs are an unborn chicken, and it is impossible for an unborn chicken to ejaculate.

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What's racecar spelled backwards? Jesus.

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? A healthy, balanced diet consisting of all food groups, unless they are vegetarian or vegan, hence they will not consume any meats or animal products.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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Why wasn't the black guy allowed into the bar? Because the bar was closed.

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how do you get a clown off a swing? hit him with an axe

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. The police who? The POLICE, now open the god damn door!

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A duck sits down at a bar and orders a drink. After he finishes, he gets up to leave, when the bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but you didn't pay for your drink." The duck turned around and said, "I'm sorry, I forgot." So he paid the bartender for the drink and left him a nice tip, and left the bar in a good mood.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was depressed for a long time and decided to end his life by getting hit by a car.

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Why did the man have 3 girlfriends? A: because he is a womanizer

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"knock knock" "who's there" "Chuck" "Get out of here Chuck I hate you!"

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belly button

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weiner? balls

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What's worse then a dead baby? a dead baby in a blender

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Why from a friends phone? I demand a full explanation, here, you got my number, you got my home address, and who the hell was that crying little bitch on the phone? I got friends in the UK which owe me some money, and nothing to lose, if I have to take care of you before you take care of me and even possibly my wife in the crossfire, I will take you down and everything in my path! Moral: Got ya!.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause your mom has cancer

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God is religiously proven to be real

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Yo momma so fat she couldn't even fit in a house

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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