Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’ ‘No, your Highness,’ he replied, ‘but my father was.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he got hit by a bus. Why did he get hit by a bus? Because his mom was laughing. Why was his mom laughing? Because she was driving the bus. Why was she driving the bus? Because the boy fell off a swing. Why did he fall off a swing? Because he didn't have any arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because his diabetic monkey had the flu. Why did his diabetic monkey have the flu? Because the boy was crying.

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a horse is a horse. of course of course....unless its a cow

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How do you get your clock to stop ticking? Hit it with a sledge hammer.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Great ideas: Go to your facebook account and type in: Man, I am gonna suicide right now, bye! Moral: Now if you do it as well, nah, dont do it, seriously... Just type it!

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Benjamin Frankin was playing with his Xbox...

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SKnock Knock. Whose there? Why don't you open the door and find out instead of questioning the millions of other people that knock on your door everyday?

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A priest, a rabbi and Santa walk into a bar. that's a highly coincidental situation.

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Q. What do you say when a baby gets hit by a car? A. Lol fail

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot for Arabian Air, idiot. What were you thinking?

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Q:Why do you never run over black guy on a bicycle A: Because that is not a very nice thing to do

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Two men walk into a bedroom. Did I mention they were gay?

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What's worse then falling off a buliding? Falling of a higher building.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She is a woman ... Who is blind, deaf and mute Therefore considered a danger to herself And those around her.

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How its supposed to go: Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mopwho? How my friend Cassidy did it: Knock knock Who's there? I eat my poo! Oh wait I screwed up.

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Guy 1: Hey look under there Guy 2: Under what inanimate object that is physically visible and made up of atoms

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roses are red violets are blue if you and your sister were hanging from a cliff i'd save your sister

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Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

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What happened to the hungry child? He got out of Africa

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Why did the boy only have one arm? tigers make terrible pets

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Roses are red Violets are too I am color blind How about you

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Not because she had no arms, but because she just had no hands.

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What did the horse with herpes say to Paul? Ney

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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