Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A guy went to a girl asked if she wanted to have sex with him. She said yes and they promptly had sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord? My ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face" The bartender then sees the horse's broken leg and proceeds to buy him a free drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSUCKMYDICK

thumb_up thumb_down -5

when i yell your name i probably want your attention :) S.H.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you get when you put a black guy in a blender. Why are you still reading....

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It thought they were playing follow the leader. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? It had no arms. Why did the little girl fall off her tricycle? She was hit by three monkeys and a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man on an airplane is extremely frustrated by a small, screaming child. He puts on his headphones and listens to music.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's the difference between a hundred dead babies and a porsche? A porsche is a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the dog crying? Do dogs even cry?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

whats worse than killing people that have bags on their heads? finding out that the people that u have just killed were your own children.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why do Jews have such large noses? Hereditary genetics.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a person with disabilities? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Who is worse than Adolf Hitler? Lebron James

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why were the parents sad? Because their son had a frog stapled to his face and was trying to eat his ice cream on a swing, but he had no arms so he dropped his ice cream into the street and he chased after his ice cream and got hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +13

-Bumper Sticker- Honk if you love Jesus. (Text while driving if you want to meet him)

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many Women's Rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the black kid in the AP Calculus classroom? Because he was a very driven student, who studied hard so that he could attend a good University and build a good life for himself and his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops