- Anti Joke

Want to hear the best joke? Your life :,( i think i hate you?

Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk and leave. 2 hours later there's a newscast about two drunken men who died in a car accident. It wasn't them, the newscast about them came shortly after

Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she knew there would be quaffles!

In your case, maybe because it is time to stop thinking so much, and begin living life, if the world cannot appreciate a wise man such as yourself, maybe that man should stop being wise, and begin being happy.

What do you call a person who dies in march A dead person

Lars Arne Eriksen (Yes his real name) is filing a case against me (because he believes that my actions (from my private estate-ish bigger) are shaming the firm.... Now, can anyone of you randomeers, tell me what firm I represent? Which firm I am not employed at but OWN, meaning that I am the one that will be evaluating if his case is valid? ERIKSEN YOU FUCKING DUMBASS YOU CAN LEAVE NOW YOU ARE NOT GETTING PAID FOR READING THESE COMMENTS AND SENDING THEM TO YOUR BOSS... ...BECAUSE I AM YOUR BOSS YOU FUCKING DUMBASS! NOW TYPE THIS DOWN, TAKE YOUR LITTLE PICTURES AND SEND THEM TO ME, SO I CAN SAY OFFICIALLY THEM "YOU SUCK YOU ARE FIRED" Now, feel free to post what Lawfirm I not only represent but own 99.9 of, if anyone guesses right, I will send you ten fucking million USD, and quit my position, if not I fire Eriksen and... (ill do that anyways Eriksen, you are not getting paid today, go home, we shall speak of this later, consider yourself on the way of getting officially fired. Not for having fun like we are here (you know at my tiny house here) THE HUGE ONE, but for embarrasing yourself and attempting to... Sigh, shame your boss by reporting him not to your boss, but to your the lead attorney... FUCKING DUMBASS I AM THE LEAD ATTORNEY WHICH MEANS THAT THIS IS WHY YOU CALL ME BOSS! According to this little dialer, twelve people from our firm are watching this site because we are having fun, and you just ridiculed yourself all in front of them. Dont show your face at my firm again dumbass, you can keep working until I officially let you go, but you wont get any pay from the official work. Guys at work, explain him how he cannot file a complaint about me, to myself for shaming a law firm whose nobody knows I AND ONLY I PROPERLY REPRESENT! Go home Eric crapton, make sure he leaves guys, thank you very much.

So, as everyone knows, two different species (flavors) of cheerios cannot mate, right (common knowledge)? That is, if one is honey-nut and another is blueberry, they cannot mate. Anyway, there is this one normal cheerio that is in love with a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, he cannot mate with her. He can't even communicate with her because they are of different species. So, he invents a machine that changes all of his CNA (Cheerio DNA) into whichever type of cheerio that he wants. However, this machine performs a process that is extraordinarily painful, because that sort of thing would hurt. Anyway. He does it, and the normal flavored cheerio becomes a blueberry cheerio. Unfortunately, this girl cheerio hates him so much that she invents an identical machine and does the process on herself in order to become a cinnamon-apple cheerio, just so she can avoid this creeper. So, she does it. The boy cheerio is starting to get upset at this because he really wants her. So he tells himself that he will go through the pain for her, and becomes a cinnamon-apple cheerio. She then changes to a honey-nut cheerio! He decides that this is the last time that he will change cheerio type. He does it, and she changes one more time, into a normal cheerio - the kind he originally was. So he says out loud, "Okay, this is really the last time. If she changes again, I will just stay back with my family." So he becomes a normal cheerio again, and she doesn't change fast enough for him to put his moves on her. So, they start dating, and he finally asks her to the Formal Bowl (ahaha, get it, bowl instead of ball). Anyway, they get there and dance intensely for a few hours. They do all different kinds of dances. They do the tango, which was not very good. Also, they square dance, like rednecks. Finally, they get tired and she sends the boy cheerio to the milk bowl (you know, since it's a cereal dance, they have that and punch). He gets there and stands in line for ten minutes. Finally fed up at the really long line, he looks over at the bowl of punch and realizes there is no punch line.

You thought i'd be telling you a joke. Turns out im not.. !! haha

Why can't Helen Keller hear or talk straight? Because she's dead

What's sad about 4 people in a Lamborgini going over a cliff? It was my car.

What happens when you murder someone? The Government murders you.

"Sorry, our servers are being derpy right now. Try to refresh the page, or check out some of our other sites." "Couldn't find the lulz you were looking for. Try to refresh the page, or check out some of our other sites." HORSEHEAD NETWORK... YOU CANT HANDLE THE LULZ! MORAL MAN!

What's the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot? There's been sittings of bigfoot

Two cannibals were eating a man, one at the top and one at the bottom. The cannibal at the top said, "are you having fun down there?" The cannibal at the bottom said, "yeah, I'm having a ball!"

What does Tupac and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead but most of the people think they aren't.

What did the general say before the soldiers got in the tank? Get in the tank

A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he is keeping company with a swine, and the muslim feels offended for the poor horse.

Roses are rainbow. Violets are rainbow. Everything is rainbow. Thats why you don't take LSD.

FRED CLEAN YOUR ROOM! Ok mom, I'm done "Nothing is cleaned" Well.. I tried

Two scientists walk into a bar, the pair walk up to the counter and the first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have some H2O too." 10 minutes later, the second scientist dies.

im black

Gordon Brown smiles.

Roses are red Violets are blue and oranges are orange nothing rhymes with orange

Why was Little Billy sad? Because he got shot.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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