What happened when Dave tried to break the record for most marshmallows in the mouth at once? He choked and died.

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why did the boy get hit by a bus because he dropped his ice cream

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What did the hat say to the other hat? Nothing, because hats don't talk, stupid.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he was peckish.

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How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? blacks don't work

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knock knock whos there? jim okay come in.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house. A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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A shark walks into a bar and the bartender says Why the bloody face? The shark replies by saying my wife beat me with a stick. Considering that sharks cant talk, the bartender ends up going to the doctor to see if he may be dillousinal.

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Why is the sky blue? As the light from our Sun shines into the atmosphere, most of the colors are able to reach the Earth’s surface uninterrupted. However, because blue light has a wavelength that is the same size as the particulates in the air, this light is scattered in every direction. This blue light bounces from particulate to particulate until it eventually reaches your eyes. For this reason, no matter what direction you look in the sky, it appears to be blue. This blue light originated with the Sun, was bounced around in the sky many times, and then eventually reached your eyes.

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How do Germans treat the Jewish? Kindly, and with much hospitality.

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A fat man walked into a hot dog.

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Are you a human?

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Were both dogs!

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Q: What happened when Johnny cheated on his test? A: He got a higher score

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Not having an apple, reguardless of its inhabitants.

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When life gives you oranges, make lemonade.

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Ps. I am getting green thumbs, which is weird, I never even expected for anyone to even bother to read my fucking long comments,but then again... As my wife said, " I am not pissed at the fact that members of my movement dont depend too much of my advice in order to get along in life for nothing". True, while horsehead network might mock me, and my "blood family hate and/or fear me" It takes only a look into my wife`s eyes to feel like a God... All while I got many thousand members of Neronism worldwide waiting for me to cope with my past so they can worship me (which pisses me off, it was never my intention, I give them life advice on how to shape their own life, not on how to cling to me). Nero: Neronism, look it up, join me, stop looking for the answers in religion, but stand up for yourself and realize that there is no reason to wait for life after death, when we together, can create heaven on earth. Yes esteemed members, I am back on my feet, and I am wearing my ortopedic arm made of steel again, consider it symbolism. Its free btw, your money is worthless to me, if you choose to see life for what it is in the eyes of a true human being, then you on the other hand, are worth as much as I am... What I am worth is something I will leave up to your opinion, because sure as fuck if I dont consider myself better than people most already. Its time to push forward again, led by a fist of steel.

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Why did the chicken cross the road it didn't, it was hit by a bus.

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A bar walks into a man. No, firstly it wasn't a man and secondly the bar didn't walk in. The pedophile just slid it in and sodomized the poor boy.

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What did the politician say to the other politician? We are both politicians.

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Why doesn't the chicken wear pants? Beacuse its pecker is on its face.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? A watermelon doesn't scream when you cut it open.

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Yo momma's so fat, that she got baptised in Sea World.

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New mission: refuse this mission

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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