What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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Me: You want pie? You: Yeah what flavour? Me: Pie flavour.

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why was the black guy that was smoking weed in his car not sent to jail? when the cop pulled him over he thought he was black the way he was dancing but turned out to be white but that just looked black when hes dancing.

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What's red and shiny? Not the holocaust

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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Gary: Hey Bill, wanna hear a joke? Bill: Yes Gary: Okay.

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If I were a cat, would you help with the toast?

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because it is a horse and doesn't understand English. It gets confused about it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, upending a few tables along the way.

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What did John say to Trojan? Hi Trojan

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Why did the man's motorcycle not move when the street light turned green? Because it was a filing cabinet.

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John Travolta goes to the supermarket..

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

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Why did this website get run into the dirt? Because you they let idiots like me post whatever I want. _CamelJocky

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What happened to the lion which escaped from the zoo? It was successfully recaptured.

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68

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What has straight black lines and is square? A refferee.

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"Would you like to see our stool samples?" asked the salesman. 10 minutes later, I left with 3 new bar stools.

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how do you make a black person stop drowning you take your boot of his head

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Wy did the man fall? A tree fell on his legs!

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Why wouldn't the man in a wheelchair see out the window? The curtains were closed

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Oprah is black and the richest women in the world!!!

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Q:Whats worse, being chased by a chainsaw or being dunked on by LeBron James? A:Since a chainsaw has one of the sharpest metal blades know to mankind, it would be the chainsaw. Although this reguires effort, it is a known fact that Lebron James has been dunked on by some kid at Xaiver, so I would think the chainsaw would hurt more.

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Whats cold and frozen? ice

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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