What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Some chocolate and a new DVD.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the bus crash? The driver was a tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Timmy had to use the restroom in class one day, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I use the restroom?" The teacher said, "I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said'," When I was using 'can', I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier for asking for permission, as opposed to expressing ability. I though since you were a teacher you would know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Vagina Boob

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How its supposed to go: Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mopwho? How my friend Cassidy did it: Knock knock Who's there? I eat my poo! Oh wait I screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A Fat Kenyan

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what happens when a girl poops? she wipes her butt.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why couldn't John play soccer? Because he was arrested for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

my computer crashed because i never quit... out of anything

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are der Violets are eulb I am dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Just got cancer: YOLO!! -sad face-

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is the difference between a fridge and a tree ? The fridge can't sing

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did joe drop his clock? billy ran into him, therfore making the clock wobble in his hand until it fell at 34 mph.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many blodnes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Approximately 17. with the addition of 6 brunettes.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

In Soviet Russia... People Die for Voicing their Opinions

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A 16 year old boy and girl have unprotected sex. The girl becomes pregnant and decides to keep the baby. They both drop out of high school, get lots of government cheese, and the boy holds a steady job as manager at the local mcdonalds for the rest of his life.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A man walks into a bar. While he sits on a barstool, a man greets him politely, and they proceed with light conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Daniel G. Likes to perve on the boys in the locker room. Change quick guys!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many Dead Babies does it take fill a phone booth? There is an obvious epidemic going around causing millions of babies to die. This is no laughing matter and the mothers of these babies are probably going through therapy to get over their lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many black guys can fit in a minivan? Eight.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

whats funny about the klu klux klan? nothing is funny at all about it because they cause pain and suffering to afircan amaricans and other ethnic groups.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

There once was a man from Peru, he couldn't fit into his shoe. He went to Brazil bought a big. Swallowed it and died.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why is Joe is ugly? I dont Know

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops