how do you make a dead baby float? take your foot off its head.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: How do you make a plumber cry? A: Murder his family

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the chicken cross the playground? Thats what she said

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why do dogs lick their balls? Why? Because they can.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a depressed nerd who plays WoW. Me....

thumb_up thumb_down -21

knock knock who's there ?? the police now get out !!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white, and Pansies are pink.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,521

Why is the sky blue? As the light from our Sun shines into the atmosphere, most of the colors are able to reach the Earth’s surface uninterrupted. However, because blue light has a wavelength that is the same size as the particulates in the air, this light is scattered in every direction. This blue light bounces from particulate to particulate until it eventually reaches your eyes. For this reason, no matter what direction you look in the sky, it appears to be blue. This blue light originated with the Sun, was bounced around in the sky many times, and then eventually reached your eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Knock knock! Who's there? Wristwatch! Wristwatch who? Orange ya glad I didn't say banana

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what do you call your mom? mom

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did little Sally throw a stick of butter out the window? Sally had a burning hatred for dairy products.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

a man walks into a bar. ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A. Do you know what they call Bing Crosby in Sweden? B. No. A. Bing Crosby.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

So i was writing a letter to my girlfriend on valentines day right ? So this is how it goes . " hey lisa happy volentines day!" my black friend walks up to me and says" its a mightyfine day out! " The moral of the story is... Tomatoes can't fly planes

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A moose walks into a grocery store, he asks the deer where he could find some bisquits, the deer says "oh it's in aigle 6." So the moose goes to aigle 6...and there ain't no bisquits!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

If you are going down the road in your boat and the pedal falls off how many cheese burgers can you eat 21 because a motorcycle doesnt have doors.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock Knock Whos there? Opportunity

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the Mexican socially inept. Because he hadn't recieved a good education

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a truck!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you dirty racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

They decide to exchange heads. Barbie squeezes the small opening under her chin over Ken's bulging neck socket. His wide jaw line jostles atop his girlfriend's body, loosely, like one of those novelty dogs destined to gaze from the back windows of cars. The two dolls chase each other around the orange Country Camper unsure what they'll do when they're within touching distance. Ken wants to feel Barbie's toes between his lips, take off one of her legs and force his whole arm inside her. With only the vaguest suggestion of genitals, all the alluring qualities they possess as fashion dolls, up until now, have done neither of them much good. But suddenly Barbie is excited looking at her own body under the weight of Ken's face. He is part circus freak, part thwarted hermaphrodite. And she is imagining she is somebody else—maybe somebody middle class and ordinary, maybe another teenage model being caught in a scandal. The night had begun with Barbie getting angry at finding Ken's blow up doll, folded and stuffed under the couch. He was defensive and ashamed, especially about not having the breath to inflate her. But after a round of pretend-tears, Barbie and Ken vowed to try to make their relationship work. With their good memories as sustaining as good food, they listened to late-night radio talk shows, one featuring Doctor Ruth. When all else fails, just hold each other, the small sex therapist crooned. Barbie and Ken, on cue, groped in the dark, their interchangeable skin glowing, the color of Band-Aids. Then, they let themselves go— Soon Barbie was begging Ken to try on her spandex miniskirt. She showed him how to pivot as though he was on a runway. Ken begged to tie Barbie onto his yellow surfboard and spin her on the kitchen table until she grew dizzy. Anything, anything, they both said to the other's requests, their mirrored desires bubbling from the most unlikely places.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats worse than stubbing your toe? being gang raped and then killed

thumb_up thumb_down +1

roses are red, violets are blue. hey.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

If yesterday was friday, today is saturday, what day is it tomorrow? sunday

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops