When life gives you lemons, Commit felonies

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Q: why did Suzie drop her ice cream? A: because she got hit by a bus.. Q:knock knock who's there? A: not Suzie

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Two cats were in a bathtub. They both, however, were uneasy the whole time, as it is common sense to know that cats do not like being in water.

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person one: ask me if im a carrot person two: are you a carrot? person one: nope (the walks away)

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo Boo hoo? Boo hoo your parents are dead.

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Why did the mexican cross the road? His drugs were on the other side.

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Why did little susie fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock who's there? not susie

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What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

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What do you call a blue duck that speaks? A dream.

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A guy walks into a bar with a sad and depressed look on his face. the bartender says why the long face. The depressed guys think "how bad of eye sight he has my face is the average diameter of about 20 cm long"

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Knock Knock Who's there? Police officer Police officer who? Police officer your whole family died in a car wreck last night.

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knock knock whos there? steve oh hi steve please come in

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In Soviet Russia, man doesn't walk to the bar. The bar walks to the man!

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Q:Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His mother was a prostitute.

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Three guys walk into a club, one is a fat ugly chode face bastard, the second one is a 4 foot 2 cricket champion and the third is a handsome young man.

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How does the cow say cash i dont know ask him he is the cow.

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If you rape a prostitute is it shop lifting?

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My mind is like full of holes so I cannot remember where I am anymore, and I am tired in addition, but say, what the hell is a tussle? Sounds cute, but what is that?

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What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

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What did the fat man say when he saw the giant twinky on the billboard? I wish that twinky was real, because I am too poor to pay my bills, am getting audited, and cannot feed my four children on minimum wage.

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What did the American say to the Russian? Hello, but the Russian did not understand

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What happens when you give a fat man scissors? He cuts off the foreskin of your penis.

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Chuck Norris

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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