- Anti Joke

A Jew, homosexual and Irishman walk into a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? Fly halfway across the world when the environment turns hostile.

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I like my wine like I like my children... Eight years old and locked in a cellar

This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

justin bieber

What did the boy with asthma say to his friend I can't breath

Did you hear about the Nun in the Twin Towers? Yeah, she died too

Where do baby apes sleep? In apricots

So you into art? You been to Louvre by the way?

Why did Billy cross the road? Because Billy wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

What do Native Indians and Asian Indians have in common? They're both human.

what do you call cheese thats not yours? stolen, your under arrest

Birdie Birdie in the Sky, Left a message in my eye ... So I shot the little bitch

Q.Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A.Because chickens weren't invented then.

A Horse walks into a bar. Bartender:why the long face? Horse:I have terminal cancer.

Why did the man cross the road? Because the light turned green

Okay, so your school has a fire drill, and a ginger asks why the alarm went off. You reply, “Some new kid saw your hair and pulled the fire alarm

Why was the Mexican man in the rich man's garden? Because he enjoys flowers.

What happened to the girl who got an abortion? She got an infection.

Nancy Kerrigan walks into a club

What did 6 say to 7? Nothing, numbers are abstract concepts thought up by humans and therefore, they cannot speak or converse in any sort of language.

Yo mama so fat when she sat around the hous she sat AROUND the house

there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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