A man walks into a bar with a monkey, I forgot the rest of the joke, but your mom's a whore.

What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

I like pom

What do you call a midget on the moon? A midget.

How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

whats worse than finding 10 dead baby's in 1 garbage can... finding 1 dead baby's in 10 garbage can

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

What if the rest of you value something wrong?

What advice did the cat give to the man? Nothing because it's a cat.

so a jew walks into a bar and leaves at 9:00 becuase he has work in the morning.

what's a self-driving car 10 years from now? probably just "a car".

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are trapped on a desert island. As they investigate the island to find food and shelter they find a magic lamp. Together they rub the lamp and sure enough a genie appears and tells them he will grant each of them a single wish. The brunette goes first and wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house, where her husband and children are waiting for her. She is happy that her ordeal is behind her and to see her loved ones. The redhead goes next and also wishes to be back home. The genie claps his hands and she appears in her house. She is not married and has no kids, but she has 2 cats. She is happy to be through her ordeal and to see her beloved pets. The blonde went last and also wished to be sent home. The genie clapped his hands and she appeared back in her house. She wasn't married, and had no kids or pets, but she was still happy that her ordeal was over.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who. *giggle*

Q: Why is Santa's sack so big? A: Because he only cums once a year

A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

How do you get an alien baby to sleep? Well, first you need to get an alien baby.

The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

I just lost the game where if you think about the game then you lose the game. so did you.

Knock knock... Home invasion

What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

Guess what my grandma told me yesterday.. Nothing she's dead.

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why did sally drown cause she was black

Yo mama so fat when she looked at the scale it said to be continued

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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