If life throws you melons, not only might you be dyslexic, but you are probably also uneducated, since the phrase is "if life gives you lemons".

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What dog keeps the best time? All dogs will keep reasonably good time as far as their care is concerned, if they have a stable home routine.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey i just met you and this is crazy but your adopted banana

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is the most dangerous day of the week to leave the house? Garbage day. Moral: Or rather GAAAAAAAAAARBAAAAAGE DAAAAAAAAAAAAY! *BANG BANG BANG* >:D

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A rabbi and a jew walk into a bar and had lot's of crazy anal sex ... then asked god for forgiveness. the end

thumb_up thumb_down

Where did John go? Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -101

I'm HIV positive.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

what did the blind and deaf kid get for Christmas? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +33

boobies oh boobies i how i love u boobies the are so juicy with milk and hairy with in the tities

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why was Jessica sad? She had just recently run over a few newborn puppies with her car.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you do when a black person steals your computer Inform the authorities, as theft is a felony.

thumb_up thumb_down

Out on the playground of a school, extremely young kids are acting as living witness to an audacious thing. They're watching a very interesting display of strength and brutality. They're observing a enactment of lofty potential and great might. What're they watching? They're regarding their principal getting promptly arrested by the federal police for possession of technically illegal weaponry including, but not only limited to what looked like to them: peculiar "fire crackers" and reloadable "candy dispensers". In the ensuing battle, their principal got shot in the arm and a random pedestrian got killed by a stray bullet. In the end, the cruel joke's on them. Guess what? They're irrepairably damaged for the rest of their life.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

2 black people and a mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The black person because they decided it would save gas if they all carpooled to their job.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why'd the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Chickens are raised on farms, which are away from society. They are taken care of in pens, and have no way of escaping. Therefore it couldn't have crossed any roads.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What does AIDS smell like? AIDS has no smell. AIDS is a diease contracted though sexual contact with another being with the diease. It greatly increases the risk of infections and malignancy. Although AIDS has no smell, in the final stages large sores develope on the surface of the skin. This means you are going to die. Thus, HIV/AIDS has no smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What is life? It is a sexually transmitted disease which always ends in death. There is currently no known cure.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the one horse say to the other. Nothing because horses can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? Because it could see and hear.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Fine Nero, but I will be keeping an eye on you.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops