How do you say "Hello" in India? 1. Get a plane ticket and fly to India 2. Say Hello in India

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mitt romney

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Have you heard the one about the Norwegian? He killed 98 people.

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How did the fat woman survive the car accident? She had on her seat belt.

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Why don't Polish girls swim in the sea? The only sea that Poland borders on is the Baltic. Throughout most of the year this sea is too cold to comfortably swim in.

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What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Unless it's muscular dystrophy.

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Why is this the best day of 10 year old Johnny's life? His parents were killed in 9/11, and Osama Bin Laden has been found and killed. What, Too soon?

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Q: Why did you fall of that swing? A: Because I'm fat.

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what do you call a man with one leg? whatever his name is.

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AIDS.

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Twelve people are in a plane. One of them says: "Man, we really are not so many in this plane" Another one replies: "It's because it's a 12 seats plane." Another says: "Do 12 seats planes even exist?" Another one answers: "Of course they do." Another person says: "Guys, are we even flying?" Someone says: "I don't know" Another says: "Yes, we're flying, look out the window." Another says: "I have cancer." Someone reacts: "Oh, I'm really sorry for you" Another: "Yes, me too" Someone adds: "It's really terrible" Another says: "Has science made any progress recently?" The plane crashes.

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Mac: Hi, I'm a Mac! PC: And I'm a PC. Steve Jobs died.

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A black kid, an Asian kid, and a Jewish kid walk into a barrier. They are students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and they walk straight through the barrier onto Platform 9 3/4.

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A small child and a pedophile are walking hand-in-hand through the dark, creaky woods. "Mister," says the small child, " I'm scared." "YOU'RE scared?" says the pedophile. "I'M the one who's gonna have to walk back alone!"

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fuzzy wuzzy was a bear fuzzy wuzzy had no hair so fuzzy wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he? yes

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Knock, Knock Who's there It's me open up the D#### door it's me open up the D#### door, who? just open the door this is not a fricken knock knock joke.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like you landed on your face.

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Q. How can you tell if a snake bites? A. It depends on if he walks to school or carries his lunch.

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What is the answer to the question of Life, the Universe and Everything? That doesn't make any sense.

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How do you kill a politician? You set him on fire and stab him in the back 20 times.

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Whats green and tasty? Snot

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I used to be an Adventurer like you... But then I decided that it was a dangerous form of employment and stopped.

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What's the most common pickup line in a gay bar? "Hi, may I buy you a drink?"

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What did the Zen Buddhist say in the hamburger store? He said, "Make me one with everything."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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