What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

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Q.What's worse than running over a dog on the road? A.9/11

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Why did the goat cross the road. To put his sacrifices into the pentagram.

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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What is the most hardest math known to man kind? 1+1=?

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What is the difference between being a serial killer and a doctor? I'm not a doctor.

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what did the apple say to the orange? nothing, stupid, apples can't talk

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You know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes? ... because he uses the best ingredients.

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why did jenny drop her ice cream? she got hit by a bus. knock knock who's there? not jenny.

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Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: She got hit in the face with an axe

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Q: Why are there no tablets in the jungle? A: The pharmaceutical logistics involved would be enormous and would make very little business sense.

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what do you call a man with no @ss? d1ckhead

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Knock knock Who's there? Your neighbor. I just ran over your cat.

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Nuclear Bombs are bad. But erections are good.......as long as they are stroked

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Why was the woman convicted or arson? She set her house on fire. Why did she set her house on fire? Her husband was beating her.

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What is 2 + 2? 3 LOL

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How do you kill a blonde? you shoot her.

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Whats do Hispanics and Blacks have in common? They are both stereo-typically defined and thus the subject of many popular jokes.

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whats cheese thats not yours? the one in the toilet.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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What's funnier than New York City? ADAM STOCK! By Logan in South Dakota

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

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Why did the girl have an abortion? Because she wanted a burger.

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well, I'm dying of AIDS, so....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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