How do you kill a blonde? Well there are many ways, but all of which are wrong because murder is illegal.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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knoc knock! who's there? poo on! poo on who? you!

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What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs. It doesn't matter what you call him he still won't come.

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What would George Washington do if he was able to talk to all of America? Ask them to dig him up.

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What did the boy with cancer get for christmas? The video game he really wanted.

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What is the difference between a cow and a human? A lot of things.

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A man walked into a bar....he's OK.

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What did the mother say to her son? I have Leukemia.

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Why does Rebecca Black like Friday? Because it's the start of the weekend

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Adam eats ginger nuts the fookin chicken

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What do a plum and a bunny have in common? They're both purple. Except the bunny.

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What did the black man say to the other black man? We are both black men.

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Did you hear about the black man who went to college? He made a very successful living for himself despite this rough economy.

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The horse, being unable to understand the barman, breaks a table and shits on the floor.

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How can you tell I'm the biggest idiot in the room? Look at me.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Fear in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He said to himself, there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's Magical Basement. Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What's the difference between you and a mallet with a cold? Ones a sick duck...I forget what I was about to say but your mother is a whore

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Yo mama so stupid, she scored poorly on her SAT exams in high school. She was unable to recieve a college education. She now works as a full time waitress at a small diner. She earns minimum wage and is still getting nowhere on her search for a better job.

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I have two hands. Some people dont.

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I scream. You scream. We all scream. Because there is a rapist in the room.

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...and I'm a Mormon.

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A man walks into a bar and says: "ouch!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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