the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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How many worms dose it take to eat an apple? One.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? No-one because that's not feasible.

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Why did Timmy's face hurt? Because there was a frog stapled to it.

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Why couldn't the man lick his elbows? Because it is scientifically proven that over 98% of humans can not lick their elbows.

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why did the cow say "moo"? because he's a cow and that's what cows say.

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Why did the women knock on the door? she needed to do a shit

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Why did Billy cry? He had Pubic Lice

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How do you stop a bus? Throw small children in front of it.

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Whats blue, sticky and glows only during the morning? IDK -Lets go Mets

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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why did obama become president? people voted 4 him.

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What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

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THEN WHO WAS FONE?

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Why is it hard to see a black man in the night? Because its dark out, and he's BLACK.

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A blonde, a brunette and a red head are having a discussion on current issues. The brunette says she would like to see improvements in the environment. The red head says she would like to see the economy prosper. The blonde says she has to take a poop.

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A boy has a penis, a girl has a vagina.

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a duck walked up to a lemon aid stand and he said to the man running the stand... quack

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A UNIX guru walks in to a restaurant and asks for day's special. Waiter responds "tartar steak." UNIX guru thinks that "steak.tar.tar just doesn't make any sense" and responds "I'll just have tar steak."

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What do you call a Ku Klux Klan member who has been set on fire? Burnt Marshmallow.

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12

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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What word rhymes with orange? -Adult onset diabetes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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